Our Darkest Wishes
by Little Green Voice
Summary: "What do you think is there?" Someone asks. "Our darkest wishes," Caspian answers. His choice of words intrigues Edmund. So, what are Caspian's darkest wishes? And what about Edmunds? Caspian/Edmund SLASH Casmund


**Rating**: PG-13/T  
><strong>Pairing<strong>: Edmund/Caspian  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: slash - you know, Caspian might end up kissing Edmund, and they're both boys, so get the hell out if it's not your cup of tea!  
><strong>Timing<strong>: During VotDT towards the end of the movie, before and after the last battle at Dark Isle. This is heavily movie-verse. Not because I wouldn't like the books or don't know about them, but because there's just so much more slashable content in the movies and in the books everyone just seems so young and pure and innocent. And anyway, it's boring if everyone's _blond_.  
><strong>Summary<strong>: "What do you think is there?" Someone asks. "Our darkest wishes," Caspian says. His choice of words intrigues Edmund. So, what are Caspian's darkest wishes? And what about Edmunds?

_A Chronicles of Narnia fan fiction by **the Little Green Voice**:_

**Our Darkest Wishes**

They stood on the deck of the Dawn Treader, sailing onwards from Ramandu's Island. The dark island loomed ahead of them: black, dark green and misty. All in all it didn't look like a very inviting place, but that was where they needed to go.

This was the ultimate test for them on this journey: they would all be tested. It had already started and now they were on their way to hopefully end it. The fate of Narnia depended on them. _Once again_, Edmund added quietly in his mind. It didn't feel like a burden. It felt like belonging.

"So what do you think is there?" Some crewman asked. The rest of the crew stayed quiet, everyone seemed to be deep in thought.

"Our worst nightmares," Edmund answered without thinking and immediately remembered Jadis. Would she be back again? Luckily Caspian continued his answer and he didn't have to linger on that thought.

"And our darkest wishes," Caspian finished Edmund's answer, and his choice of words intrigued Edmund. After all, it was his own darkest wishes that drove Edmund into betraying his siblings and siding with the White Witch in their first visit to Narnia. That was the way Jadis worked, she could find the worst sides of everyone and used that. Somehow though, Edmund didn't believe that was what Caspian had meant. The thought seemed far too intersting to drop. What were Caspian's darkest wishes?

"Let's go get ready," Caspian says and Edmund lets himself to be lead into Caspian's cabin to get their armors and weapons. He closed the cabin door behind him and the hustle of the crew silenced and it was just the two them in the cabin. Calm before the storm, the younger man thought.

"So what are your darkest wishes?" Edmund asks conversationally after the door was closed and no-one but the two of them could hear.

"What's your worst nightmare?" Caspian counters with his own question. Edmund shrugged nonchalantly. He had thought everyone could guess that.

"The White Witch, of course, and betraying someone because of her," he was surprised to notice the past doesn't hurt anymore as much as it used to, he even manages to give a little laugh at it. Supposedly he had finally forgiven himself. It still _was _his worst nightmare, but in time he had somehow made amends with it. He turned to Caspian, expecting him to in turn answer his question, but the young man avoided his eyes and busied himself with finding their chest armors and making sure they were in tact before handing Edmund the other, still not answering or facing the now frowning King of Old.

"Would be good to know what we might be up against," Edmund said, trying to not sound too eager, "as much as we can anyhow." But Caspian didn't answer. He seemed to be lost in thought. Edmund shrugged again and started putting on his armor. Perhaps Caspian had thought of something truly dark, something he wasn't ready to talk about. Edmund sometimes forgot that in some ways Caspian was actually much younger than he was, even when he physically looked older.

Edmund decided not to push the matter, even if his curiosity had only grown and instead he concentrated on his armour. He frowned at it when he realized it was a telmarine model he wasn't familiar with it, but threw it on and started to fasten it the best he could. When he suddenly felt Caspian coming to help him with the straps on his back, Edmund's fingers faltered on the fastenings for a moment. He couldn't stop the sudden intake of breath when Caspian's fingers slowly brushed his lower back when he fixed the armours position. This was no place or time to dream, handsome young Kings or not, but Edmund still allowed and enjoyed Caspian's help. A little innocent but enjoyable closeness wasn't bad and Edmund was used to having everything else forbidden.

"In case we don't get through this, what ever this is," Caspian finally spoke, changing the subject and facing Edmund his face serious and voice honest, laying a hand on Edmund's shoulder. "I want you to know that I think of you as my brother."

Edmund felt like grinning like a fool, but managed to stay composed and his smile only showed a suitable amount of joy. "Me too," he answered, equally serious, but rather less honest. His heart was racing. He had to repress his need to tell just how much more than just a brother Caspian really had become and how much he cared for him. But this was not the time and he was glad to have heard at least that much from Caspian. Like a brother - it meant that Caspian really deeply cared for him, if not quite the way he would have preferred, but still.

Once they were ready and walking out of the cabin, without a warning Caspian stopped, his hand already on the door handle and turned to face Edmund. He looked like he was judging Edmund, wondering if he could speak what ever it was the King had in mind. Caspian seemed to be on the verge of speaking, but then he looked away and moved to open the door.

"Wait," Edmund blurted hastly, stopping the older man's hand from turning the handle with his own. He kept his hand on Caspian's and continued, locking eyes with the other, "If you have something to say, say it. This might be the last chance."

Caspian looked at him for a long moment and Edmund thought he could almost see two unrecognizable emotions battling in Caspian's head and looked at him pleadingly. He had to know, if it was important, he just had to. Finally Caspian seemed to come to a conclusion, he swallowed and cleared his throat looking nervous and said, very quickly;

"It's you."

Then he was already out of the door and on the deck leaving a very baffled Edmund standing at the cabin door, looking rather confused.

In a moment Edmund gathered his thoughts and rushed after Caspian who is already on the upper deck, standing near the helm.

"What's me?" Edmund asks anxiously, lowering his voice and leaning to the other king. Luckily the deck was full of hushed discussions and talk when the men prepared for what ever they might face on the island. When the other didn't seem to want to clarify, Edmund added an almost angry: "Caspian?" That catched the others attention and they lock eyes once again.

"What we might be up against," Caspian says slowly and quietly.

All throughout the battle at the Dark Isle Edmund was torn between trying to banish his own fears and trying not to wonder about Caspian's. When the sea serpent emerged he couldn't but admit that Caspian might have had a point in saying it was Edmund they might be up against. He had created it.

When he climbed up to the mast he felt worried. Caspian had said he thought of Edmund as a brother, but it just made this the same situation as it had been with Peter also and that hadn't stopped Edmund from failing him. So how was Caspian any different? And did he have any right to feel hurt over the accusation? Caspian had every right to fear that he would betray him just as he had his own brother. Now he had already been the only one not able to keep his fears in check and they had a very real and angry sea serpent attacking them to prove that. It was his fault they were battling the monster.

_I'm betraying their trust again, this is all my fault, just like before,_ he thought when he got to his position in the mast and lifted his sword at the snake.

And then Jadis was there again, looming all around, tempting and offering him everything, whispering promises of kingdom, power and respect. He felt his heart turn to her once more, he wanted to believe those promises were true.

But then there was Caspian, yelling his name from the deck far below and as if that had been a sign, Edmund felt like he'd just woked up from a dream. His sword was suddenly sparkling with striking bright blue light and he just knew he could do this. He knew it as sure as if Aslan himself had just whispered it to him - which, given all the magic in this world, could very well have been the case. Edmund felt strong, he was King Edmund the Just again. He could redeem himself once more, and as he turned away from Jadis' cold gaze and faced the sea serpent, he heard the White Witch scream in pain and it was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his chest.

The rest of the fight was just a whirl of roars, angry slashes, flashes of pain and finally, the glowing warmth of victory. He had resisted her, his worst nightmare and they had pulled it through. He hadn't messed things up this time. He smiled a battle-worn but happy smile, sitting down on the deck, too tired to stand, thinking: _Thank you, Aslan_.

When Caspian came all but running to him, he saw pride and relief on the other King's face. Also Lucy ran to him, clearly looking happy, but she didn't stay long after he made sure Edmund wasn't in need of her healing cordial. Then all the missing people were coming in boats towards them and there was suddenly so many people rushing around that Edmund felt dizzy. Lucy was off greeting the new people, but she glanced at Edmund and nodded meaningfully at something behind his brother's back.

Edmund turned around and saw King Caspian standing behind him, clearly sharing a conspiratory look with Lucy, a little smile ghosting on his lips and although he too was stained with sea serpent blood, hair and armour messed up and dirty, Edmund thought he had never seen anything more stunningly beautiful. He glanced back at his sister but she only laughed, rolling her eyes at him and turned to talk to the next pair of people climbing on board from the small boats. Edmund turned back to look at Caspian and this time those dark telmarine eyes were fixed on his and he gulped nervously because there was something new and very intense in that look. Caspian held a hand at him.

"Get up," the handsome young man said, and his smile was again that polite friendly smile it always was, but the intensity never left his eyes, "we should go freshen up."

Edmund took the hand nodding and Caspian helped him up from the deck. Then he silently followed Caspian into his cabin, unable to tear his eyes off of him. He could only hope no-one noticed with all the hassle on the deck. He had a vague idea of where this was going, but somehow he couldn't make any sense of how it had come to this. Caspian walked in first and Edmund followed, turning to close the door behind him. When he turned back to walk to the room, he was stopped by Caspian who stood right behind him, effectively cornering him at the closed door. His lips held the beginnings of a wicked smile and his eyes seemed to smile. He looked happy. Edmund dared to let a small smile of his own on his lips, because even if he didn't understand why this happened, he had a good feeling about this, what ever this was.

"You didn't get it, did you, Edmund?" Caspian asked, sounding a little amused, his voice low and rough, probably from all the yelling earlier.

"Get what?" Edmund asked, completely baffled although he knew he should know. Caspian's lips grew into a smirk and Edmund lifted an eyebrow at him, "No, I suppose I didn't get it," he said, once it seemed that Caspian wasn't going to answer him, flowing into the smooth conversational tone he had been so accustomed to using as King Edmund the Just, "Care to enlighten me? What is it we're talking about?"

Caspian held the eye contact for a few seconds and Edmund felt that every second it grew more intensive. Then Caspian leaned towards him and whispered, his eyes never leaving Edmund's:

"My darkest wishes."

"Uh," seemed to be all Edmund could say for a while. And to think how well he used to know diplomatic solutions to any social or political dilemmas, it really was ridiculous that a young inexperienced King could so completely silence him. But the thought of Caspian's darkest wishes was just such a juicy thought now that it was put into _this context_. Even the way Caspian pronounced the words, his old accent ghosting around the words, seemed to suggest so many intriguing things. And the way Caspian was still leaning towards Edmund just radiating held back emotions, holding his gaze with so much meaning in his eyes... and then Edmund put the pieces together and got it.

He really had no way of resisting this temptation.

"We need to talk this in private," he said, proud of how steady and matter-of-fact-ly the words came out of his mouth. He turned to twist the key in the lock and take it out, leaving it on a side table. That was as much privacy as they could have on this ship, but at least no-one could accidentally walk in now.

When he turned to Caspian, he notices he had walked a few steps further in the cabin, looking out of one of the small windows and looking slightly worried, as if expecting a let's-just-stay-friends-talk. Edmund smiles at the man's head wickedly and from his experience during the Golden Age, he knew that if anyone saw him smile_ like that _at someone, they would have a _very _good idea of what he was thinking. Maybe he should just stay like that, thinking wicked things and smiling _that smile _until Caspian would turn his head and see him and get the hint. But perhaps they should be done with giving subtle hints now, seeing as neither of them clearly understood them very well.

So instead Edmund stepped to stand next to the man, looking through the window with him. He purposefully stepped close enough for their shoulders to brush and, smiling that meaningful smile, said slowly, meaningfully and a little self-confident:

"_I_ am your darkest wish, am I now?"

He glanced at Caspian expectantly. The telmarine, still avoiding Edmund's eyes, breathed a shaky "yes" and dropped his gaze to the floor. Edmund turned his eyes back to looking at the sea, trying to quench the triumphant leer that was threatening to drive him into very undignified, bubbling-with-joy giggles. He just felt so happy now, so _content_. But he could see Caspian fidgeting, still uncertain. He needed to make things clear now.

"Would you like to hear something about my darkest wishes?" Edmund asked conversationally and turned to catch the dark eyes in a meaningful look when he finished: "Because you feature in quite a lot of them."

There was a half-amused, half-relieved laugh before Caspian stepped to fully face Edmund.

"Do I really?" he said with a flirtatious sound in his voice and that sexy, confident smile on his lips, "To be honest, I would rather you went one step ahead and _demonstrated _them."

Edmund lifted an approving eyebrow at Caspian's last comment and holding the eye contact, stepped very determinedly right into Caspian's personal space. "As you wish," he breathed and with one smooth movement brought one hand on Caspian's waist and the other behind his neck and leaned up to kiss him with all the passion and love he had been forced to hold back since they had first met.

He was pleasantly surprised from with how much eagerness his kiss was answered to. If he could judge anything by that one kiss, he would guess that he had been right in thinking there had been something there from the very start.

"I've wanted for you to do that for so, so long," Caspian breathed when they finally broke the kiss.

"And I've wanted to do it. You have no idea how hard to resist you are," Edmund said, grinning at the other man and slowly stroking his back, glad to finally be able to feel him in his arms. "Only, next time you want someone to kiss you, don't tell them you think of them as your brother. At least if they're from England," he gave a laugh, "I don't want to blush like mad next time Peter calls me brother and I remember you and your darkest wishes."

"Oh, but this hardly was the darkest," Caspian said, smiling a predatory smile and pulled Edmund closer aiming a burning kiss on his neck. Edmund only hoped that the door would stay locked and the crew wouldn't need either of them back for a long time.

**A/N:** Okay, it might not be ready yet. I fixed (hopefully) the tense problem and it's in one part now, but I'm still not sure if it's ready. Wonder if I should solve the Edmund-must-leave-Narnia-for-good thing... or if I should let them sail home to Narnia to find their happily ever after or not... I think I probably won't discuss the cruel facts in the end at all. After all, come what may, they'll eventually be reunited in Aslan's country after everything.

But ready or not, I hope you had fun if you read the whole thing. ^_^ Feedback feeds my muses. ;)


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